Every sentence what Sutapa Sikdar said for her husband Irrfan Khan will break your heart all over again, “The only thing I have a grudge against him is, he has spoiled me for life.” The much-loved, much-admired Irrfan Khan died of cancer on Wednesday, at just 53, leaving shattered world behind. Sutapa said, “I have not lost, I have gained in every which way.”

 

Irrfan Khan, star of films such as ‘Maqbool’ and ‘The Namesake’, will be remembered forever in the words of his wife:

 

“How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment? I want to assure everyone that this is not a loss, it is a gain. It’s a gain of the things he taught us, and now we shall finally begin to truly implement it and evolve. Yet I want to try to fill in the things that people don’t already know.

 

We met some amazing people in this journey and the list is endless, but there are some whom I have to mention, our oncologist Dr Nitesh Rohtogi (Max Hospital, Saket) who held our hand in the beginning, Dr Dan Krell (UK), Dr Shidravi (UK), my heartbeat and my lantern in the dark Dr Sevanti Limaye (Kokilaben Hospital). It’s difficult to explain what a wondrous, beautiful, overwhelming, painful and exciting this journey has been. I find this two-and-a-half years to have been an interlude, which had it’s own beginning, middle and culmination with Irrfan helming the role of the orchestra conductor, separate from the 35 years of our companionship. Ours was not a marriage, it was a union.

 

I see my little family, in a boat, with both my sons Babil and Ayaan, paddling it forward, with Irrfan guiding them “wahan nahi, yahan se modo” but since life is not cinema and there are no retakes, I sincerely wish my children sail this boat safely with their father’s guidance in mind and rockabye through the storm.

 

I asked my children, if possible, they could sum up a lesson taught by their father that has been important to them,

 

Babil: ‘Learn to surrender to the dance of uncertainty and trust your faith in the universe”

 

Ayaan: “Learn to control your mind and to not let it control you.”

 

Tears will flow as we will plant a raat ki rani tree, his favourite, to the place where you have put him to rest after a victorious journey. It takes time but it will bloom and the fragrance will spread and touch all the souls whom I won’t call them fans but family for years to come.”

 

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